When all you can do is hug your children that little bit tighter.

After waking up to the devastating news of yet another terrorist attack which this time used poor innocent children as the target I was in some way led back to this (previously draft) post.

I have had this unfinished blog post sitting in my drafts for a couple of weeks now. I wrote this after personal devastating events (which I won’t go into here out of respect for those involved) led me to out pour my overwhelming feelings of loss, anger against the world and just deep, deep sadness.

Having four children, my eldest two girls aged 14 and 9 who are also Arianne Grande fans makes watching the tv all the more painful. Seeing the upset of those poor traumatized children in shock but relief to have made it out, and then listening to stories from those poor families who are waiting for news about a loved one, their own child who they have no clue if they are safe or not, is far beyond comprehension.  As a mother it cut through me deeply.

The blog is below…

Life is just unfair. Sometimes the phrase ‘Everything happens for a reason’ is so far from the truth its painful. I do not believe things happen for a higher purpose. Sometimes bad things happen to really good people. I wish Karma was real. I previously believed in Karma but that belief has slowly dissolved. In a perfect world every one gets what they deserved, But the world is far from perfect. Learning time and time again that the way life works out is sometimes just pure wrong and more than unjustified. There is just so much wrong in the world.

A constant worry to me is how my children have to learn over and over  the hard truths;  That life is far from fair and Horrible things happen without any reason.  Each time a ‘nasty lesson’ comes their way I feel a little bit of their childhood  slipping away. The pure innocence of life being constantly chipped away little by little, but sometimes out of the blue life takes a massive sledgehammer to it. 

I apologise again for not being completely open about what prompted this blog, but even without the details I believe the theme is relatable to many, whatever the tragic event maybe.

I just hope every one who reads this post (if any one does) just remembers to hold their loved ones that bit closer. Don’t let the petty things in life get in the way of what is really important. Every moment counts.

Back to this morning when learning of the news, I then had to wake up the girls to get them up for school. Before they came down stairs to todays events unfolding dramatically on ‘Good Morning Britain’ I knew as their Mother I had to try to explain the unexplainable. I wanted to do this before they saw snippets of the news report or Beth saw snippets on social media. I’m not sure either Beth or Lilly was awake enough to fully comprehend what I was saying.  I also made my first  mistake by beginning. ” I have some sad news”  Cue a pair of panicked stricken faces. Events of the past weeks coming to the forefront of my mind. Acknowledging the constant worry they have of what may come, that goes hand in hand with having a little brother with complex needs.  I quickly adjusted my flow and reassured them it was not something directly personal to us. I explained todays devastating event as best I could.

The news was still on as Lilly sat down for breakfast, I myself was engrossed in finding out the details.  More and more clips of distressed children came on the television. Tears formed in my eyes as I couldn’t help but put my self in a parents shoes that was appealing for any information about her ‘missing’ daughter.  Lilly had now finished her breakfast and was now staring wide-eyed and the scenes also. It makes me sad that despite doing my best to be reassuring as well as explaining the facts, this time I didn’t have to explain what terrorists were. Lilly was so worried by the previous attack on Westminster, we had many conversations regarding this. Lilly did take comfort when i relayed a version to this quote.

Lilly is passionate about the work the emergency services do. Starting from when she was a toddler, Lilly had wanted to be a Fire Fighter, Now Lilly is adamant she wants to be a police officer. Actually she wants to be Chief of Police. Lilly seems to take great comfort in finding the light in the dark.

Todays events are shocking and devastating beyond any comprehension. My heart goes out to all those forever impacted.

I will definitely be giving each of my four children  an extra hard hug when they get in from school.

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